Having cared during years for my mother who beside other affection was affected with Alzheimer s disease, I have been very upset in the last to read comments in some newspaper pretending it was unbearable to the relatives ,worse than cancer and a possible question of assisted suicide. What a scary amount of  emotional rigidity and lack of human empathy.

The obvious panic of a middle class mindset where everybody has to “function well”to not disturb the superficial “harmony”is definitely shaken by such a situation. One has to resolve his own issues with his parents before he/she can change his adult diaper, transports them few times  back into bed in the middle of the night or battles for them with a cynical system. I made the choice to care , mostly on my own, because it seemed the most evident to me, to not expose a person with a strong personality like my mum, who beside being my mum( what meant already a lot to her), was beside few other no neglectable aspects, an artist, a professor and a critical spirit , an engaged lover of humans &life and a resistant during the war. I simply knew that someone who had laugh with Boris Vian and fought with the gun for the liberation of Paris(and not accepted the medals coming her way!), could hardly be “integrated” into an “for our aged population” institution .

It didn’t kill me, well almost, but I blame that on the systematic society “look away” (we know that politicians never get old and if, in much better privileged conditions) of this situation, who insist on neglecting those who cares and hopes everybody gives up, to feed the “we care for you industry”.

I do not say it was “easy”, it was a daily challenge and I was after her death (she died at home) exhausted, and in need of sleep recovery for all the nights without. Good we had cultivated a garden of real friends helping in need. I do not even say, its everybody solution. But we kept up the last a form of communication , she once called it  finding ” a path through her jungle”.We even had cultivated in time some strong straight sense of mutual humour who worked often even in that absurd surrealistic reality.

Her gift…a smile up the last.

It made me stronger and was “worth it!”.

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